Discourse
The Risk Of Understanding
Published: 7/21/21
By: Andrew Neyer
“What if I am wrong?”
This is a question I've been asking myself more recently as I attempt to listen more and consider someone else's point of view.
Culture leans towards a life of ease. It is a hard-wired human condition to conserve calories. Pursuing a life without friction isn't a wrong desire, but the expectation of a frictionless life is the miss. Nothing gets repaired by neglecting it. If we genuinely desire not to see friction show up in our lives, we must remove it.
As our technologies expand, they ease obstacles of communication. We can call, text, or email anyone in the world, but yet it seems we are growing more disconnected from each other. Is this the cell phone's fault? I don't think it is. What if the problem is us? I believe all these new technologies are additive tools that can leverage connections in any direction. We can send a loving text just as quickly as a rude text. Comments are easy, and conversations are difficult. So most of the time, we conserve calories and would rather doom scroll through some comments until we find something we agree with. It requires more work to love something than to hate it. We fall for the clickbait.
When we choose to prioritize quick comments over a conversation, we add friction at an alarming rate. This friction shows up in our culture as "people like me" and the "others." The problem with this worldview is that it creates a climate that encourages separation and opposition.
What if the "others" have the solution?
When we approach a conversation to share our knowledge, it can quickly turn into a lecture no one signed up to hear. The alternative is to listen. Listening takes more calories. When we listen, we are removing friction from culture, and we can begin to collaborate. This approach is difficult, and it will always require more work than publishing our reactions. Identifying problems is a good start, but that is not a solution. It merely gives us a target to direct our efforts. Attempts to solve problems are what we as a culture continually underdeliver.
"Asking question helps people own their beliefs."
– Rev. Jeffrey Greer
If we truly know what other people are struggling through, we often feel compelled to help them. This is the risk of understanding. If I know my neighbor is going through a heavy time, why would I not make them dinner, run their errands, or even just spend 3 hours listening to them? It is easier to drive home a different way, so I am not reminded about their problems. Calories are conserved.
Why are we conserving calories if we are not using them to help people?
Our behaviors and efforts are like compounding interest. We can either make a lot of things better or make a lot of things worse. Our words, gestures, and cellphones are tools to communicate. How we use these communication tools matters a lot because our actions impact culture.
You and I are the missing pieces.
Find friction, and spend the calories needed to remove it.
Context
A chess timer can be appropriated to appropriately measure our discourse.
Instructions:
Person 1 starts the clock by pressing the toggle closest to them. When Person 2 interrupts or begins to talk, they must first punch in using the toggle closet to them. At the end of the conversation, the person with the most time logged is declared the Loser. The goal is to result in a tie. By ending with matched times, each person has listened and talked equally. When we pursue a tie or close match, we have to adjust to each other, creating discourse vs. lectures.
Click Bait
Based on the following captions, which video do you watch?
Jon Stewart talks with Bill O’Reilly - 5/16/2011
Bill O’Reilly Vs. Jon Stewart 5/16/2011
Thoughts
– Are you a good listener?
– What/who are you reserving calories for?
– What would you like to see repaired?
